【精品】英语小笑话
英语小笑话1
What are the Two Words?
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’. Would you promise me that?
Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?
是哪两个词？
一个非常和蔼的.老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。我亲爱的，老夫人说，我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词，一个是“讨厌的”，另一个是“极好的”。你能答应我吗？
噢，当然，奶奶。女孩说：是哪两个词？
英语小笑话2
Two Birds 两只鸟
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
经典英语小笑话：这有多娇生惯养啊
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?
Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的'祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?
哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。
英语小笑话3
1：Animals go to Heaven
A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to Heaven. At the top they met God and he asked them 'How do you like it so far?' The mouse replied 'It's great, but can I get a pair of roller skates?' God said 'Sure', and he gave him a pair of roller skates. The next day God saw the cat and asked him 'How do you like it up here so far?' and the cat replied 'Great, I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!'
2：What is God's name?
A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what God's name was.
'Oh that's easy,' the man replied, 'His name is Andy.'
'What make you think his name is Andy?' the angel asked incredulously.
'Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song 'Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.'
3：Question and answer
Q: Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'?
A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!
Q: Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A: He only had two worms!
Q: When was the longest day in the Bible?
A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.
Q: Why did God create manbefore woman?
A: He didn't want any advice.
Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A: A roamin' Catholic!
Doctor: 'Your recovery was a miracle!'
Patient: 'PRAISE GOD. Now I don't have to pay you!'
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A: Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!
英语小笑话4
At the police department, the phone rang. “Hallo, hallo!”
the policeman answered. “I’ve lost my cat!”
And the policeman said, “I’m sorry, sir,
that’s not the job of the police. We’re too busy!”
The person said, “But you don’t understand. This is a very
intelligent cat! He’s almost human; he can practically talk!”
So the policeman said, “Then you’d better hang up.
He might be trying to call you!”
警察局的电话响了，警察接起电话说：「喂!喂!」
「我的.猫不见了!」警察说：「先生，很抱歉!
这不是警察的职责，我们太忙了!」
对方说：「但是你不了解，这是一只很聪明的猫，
他几乎像人一样可以说话!」于是警察说道：
「那你最好挂断电话，他可能正试着打电话给你!」
英语小笑话5
laugh line
laugh是什么意思：
v. 笑；嘲笑；使笑得；以笑表示
n. 笑；笑声；引人发笑的事或人
an exaggerated laugh
矫揉造作的'笑声 It is no laughing matter.
这没有什么可笑的。 He who laughs last laughs best.
最后笑的人才笑得最开心。 He who laughs last laughs best.
谁笑到最后才笑得最好。Laugh and the world laughs with you, wrap and you weep alone.
笑时万众附和，哭时独自垂泪（世态炎凉）。line是什么意思：
n. 线条，界线，路线；条纹；排；铁路线；生产线；台词；态度；防线；前线
v. 用线标出，划线于；使布满纹络；加衬里于；排队，排列成行
This is a lined trunk.
这是一个有衬里的箱子。 They are politically in line.
他们在政治上意见一致。On a map there are horizontal lines and vertical lines.
在地图上有水平的线和垂直的线。To inscribe(a line or lines)with a pencil or other marking implement.
画用铅笔或其它做标记的器具刻线The new proposal is in line with our general line.
英语小笑话6
A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话。
He says: "God,what is a million dollars to you?"and God says: "A penny,then the man says: "God,what is a million years to you?”and God says: ¨a second", then the man says: “God,can I have a penny ?"and God says:"In a second."
他问：“主啊，一百万美元对你意味着多少?”上帝回答：¨一便士。” 男子又问：“那一百万年呢，?”上帝说：“一秒钟。”最后男子请求道：”上帝，我能得到一便士吗?“上帝回答：“过一秒钟。”
英语小笑话7
1.what's the longest word in the world?世界上最长的`单词是什么?
答：smiles. because there's a mile between the letter 's'.微笑。因为两个字母s中间隔了一里。
2.what question is that to which you must always answer "yes"? 什么问题你只能回答“yes”?
答："what does y-e-s spell?" (当别人问你)“yes”怎么拼?
3.where were you when the power was cut off? 当停电的时候你在哪?
答：in the darkness. 在黑暗中
4.what question can never be answered by “yes”? (哪个问题永远不能回答“是的”?)
答：are you asleep? (你睡着了吗)
5.what tree is always very sad? (那种树总是很伤心?)
答：weeping willow. (垂柳 weep哭泣 willow柳树)
6.why are people tired on April fool's day? (愚人节人们为什么疲倦?)
答：because they have just had a long march. ( 因为他们刚过了长长的三月。march 三月;行军)
7.what weather do mice and rats fear? (老鼠害怕什么天气?)
答：when it's raining cats and dogs.(下大雨。rain cats and dogs 下大雨 )
8.when do dogs refuse to follow their masters? (狗什么时候不愿跟随主人?
答：when their masters go to the flea market.(主人去跳蚤市场时。flea 跳蚤 flea market 旧货市场 )
9.when can you get water with a net? (什么时候可以用网兜装水?)
答：when water is turned into ice. (当水结成冰时)
10.why is the pig always eating?猪为什么没完没了地吃?
答：he's making a hog of himself.它想成为一只肉猪。
英语小笑话8
erry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!
杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的.时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“为什么你再也没来呢?”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了!”
英语小笑话9
Hello everyone!My name is ~~.Now,I am 12 years old. I am from ~~.I am a student in NO.1middle school .I like football with my sister after school .I am good at drawing.And i am likelearning English.Ican speak very well!
Do you want to make friend with me ?
译文
大家好!我的名字是~ ~.现在,我12岁了.我来自~ ~.我就读于第一中学.我喜欢踢足球和我姐姐在放学后.我擅长于画画.我喜欢学习英语. 我能讲英语讲得很好!
你想和我交朋友吧?
英语小笑话10
余音
About to be shipped out on a long tour of duty over-seas，I had called my wife from a coin-operated telephone at an Army camp on the West Coast. As I walked away，the phone rang，and I answered it，expecting to be told of extra charges. "I thought you'd like to know,"the operator said,"that just after you hung up，the woman said,'I love you. "
即将因工作远征出海，我就在西海岸军营地用一个投币电话给我的妻子拨了个电话。我刚要离开，电话铃响了。我估计是让我交超时费，所以只好去接。接话员说:“我想你可能想知道，你刚挂断电话，那个女的就说‘我爱你’。”
英语小笑话11
who was the first man? 谁是世界上第一个男人
a teacher said to her class:”who was the first man?”
一个老师问她的`学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”
“george washington,” a little boy shouted promptly.
一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”
“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.
老师带着宠溺的笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”
“because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”
这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”
英语小笑话12
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on（溺爱，宠爱） him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（乱发脾气） . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?""Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的`父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
英语小笑话13
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go Slow" .
老师：汤姆，你为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：“学校——慢行”。
英语小笑话14
Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting. One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once,the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, You're quite hopeless, Peter! Don't waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!
彼得十八岁那年参了军，他需要参加几个月的学习以成为一名好士兵。彼得在其他方面都做得很好，但是射击不行。一天他和伙伴们练习射击，除了彼得其他人都没有问题。他射了九次，一次也没有命中目标。这时，教新兵射击的教官说：彼得，你看来是没希望了，不要连最后一发子弹都浪费掉！去那堵墙后面用它向自己打一枪吧。
Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.
彼得感到非常惭愧。他走到那堵墙后面。几分钟后，教官和新兵们听到一声枪响。
Heavens! The officer said. Has that silly man really shot himself?
上帝！教官叫起来，难道那个笨蛋真的`朝自己开枪了？
He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. I'm sorry, sir, he said, but I missed again.
他急忙跑到那堵墙后面，发现彼得安然无恙。对不起，长官，他说，我还是没有命中。
英语小笑话15
How to Become Rich 如何致富
Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.
弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。
【英语小笑话】相关文章：
英语小笑话06-03
英语小笑话12-03
(通用)英语小笑话12-03
英语小笑话（通用18篇）08-09
(热门)英语小笑话15篇12-03
幽默小笑话06-10
英语笑话大全06-10
英语笑话短篇08-25
英语小故事06-11