(通用)英语小笑话
英语小笑话1
My husband was showing a box of his baby things，which had been saved for him by his mother to our five-year-old son. He took out a pair of bronzed baby shoes
mounted with an ashtray between them.”Oh, look,Chris,"he said. "These are Daddy's first walking shoes.“
一次，我丈夫拿出一个盒子给我们五岁的儿子看。这个盒子是由他母亲替他收藏的他儿时的用品盒。我丈夫从盒子里取出一双中间还夹有烟缸的.古铜色的童鞋说:“噢，克瑞斯，你看，这就是爸爸学走步时穿的鞋。”
Chris stared in amazement. "Daddy,"he said，”I don't see how you ever learned to walk with that ashtray stuck between your feet.”
克瑞斯吃惊地望着那双鞋，“爸爸，”他说:“我怎么就不知道你还学过两脚夹烟灰缸走路呢。”
英语小笑话2
Susan is an American girl.
She is five years old.
She doesn't go to school and doesn't know how to read or write.
One day, her sister Lucy finds that she is at the table with a pen in her hand.
Lucy asks, "What are you doing?"
"I'm writing a postcard to my friend Betty" Susan answers.
"But you don't know how to write. " Lucy says.
"Well," Susan says, "Don’t you know Betty is only four years old, she doesn't know how to read either."
英语小笑话3
Hello everyone!My name is ~~.Now,I am 12 years old. I am from ~~.I am a student in NO.1middle school .I like football with my sister after school .I am good at drawing.And i am likelearning English.Ican speak very well!
Do you want to make friend with me ?
译文
大家好!我的名字是~ ~.现在,我12岁了.我来自~ ~.我就读于第一中学.我喜欢踢足球和我姐姐在放学后.我擅长于画画.我喜欢学习英语. 我能讲英语讲得很好!
你想和我交朋友吧?
英语小笑话4
Warning SeveralweeksafteroursonbeganhisfreshmanyearatAlmaCollegeinMichigan,myhusbandandIdecidedtovisithim.Iwascarefultocallhimafewdaysinadvanceto"warn"himthatwewouldbecoming.Whenwearrivedatthedorm,however,Iwastakenabackbythedisarrayofhisroom."Forgotwewerecoming,didn‘tyou?"Iteased.
"Areyoukidding?"hereplied,"WhyelsewouldIhavebotheredtoclean?"
提醒
我们的.儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话，“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来，是吧?”我取笑他。“开什么玩笑?“，他回答说，“要不我凭什么费神打扫?
英语小笑话5
"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
"汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。"
"没事儿，妈妈，" 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。"
"他已经吃完自己的`了么？"
"是的。" "我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。"
英语小笑话6
Walking to work one day, my husband was hit by a car. It was a minor accident and the driver apologized，adding; "You certainly are lucky. We're right next to a doctor's office."
"I don't know how lucky that is ,"my husband replied."I' m the doctor. "
英语小笑话7
excuse for speeding
赶紧到达那里
harry and lloyd were speeding down the road. a police car pulled them over.
哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。
"why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled.
“你们为什么开那么快?”警官喊道。
"our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!
“我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”
英语小笑话8
Once upon a time, in ancient China, the emperor was seriously ill. None of his esteemedphysicians could find a cure,until an ancient sage revealed that only the blood of a living Foobird could restore the imperial health.
很久很久以前在古老的中国，皇帝病得很重，所有德高望重的御医都没办法医治，直到后来才有一位智者透露，只有活福鸟的血才能恢复皇帝的健康。
Now the Foo bird was extremely rare, almost legendary,and the greatest hunters in the landwere assigned the task of capturing a specimen-but before they left on their quest, the ancientsage warned them that if one of them were fortunate enough to catch the bird, he should onno account clean or change his clothing till he had presented his prize to the emperor.
问题是福鸟本来就很少见，几乎只是传说而已，于是全国各地最好的猎人都被指派进行捕捉福鸟的工作。但在他们出发之前，那名智者警告他们，要是有人有幸捉到一只福鸟的话，无论如何在送到皇帝手中之前，绝不可以清洁或换掉身上的衣服。
The hunters scoured the empire, and after several months, the greatest of them spotted amagnificent Foo perched high in a tree. Using all his skill, the huntsman snuck up on the birdand managed to seize it by the claws, but soon the startled creature left a huge odious blobofexcrement on the hunter's shoulder.
猎人们搜遍了整个帝国，几个月后，其中一名本领最好的猎人不经意看见了一只福鸟栖息在一棵树上。他用尽所有技巧偷偷接近那只福鸟并抓住了它的脚爪，但那只受到惊吓的福鸟马上在他的`肩膀上拉了一大团臭气熏人的鸟粪。
Though the stench was almost unbearable,the woodsman remembered the sage's injunctionand carried his double burden all the way back to court. By that time, the odor had onlybecome worse, and thehunter was deeply embarrassed.Finally, he felt that he could not entertheemperor's presence in such a state, and wiped the offending substance from hisshoulder.
虽然臭味难当，但猎人仍记得智者的训示，便连同身上的鸟粪护送福鸟回宫。那时鸟粪的味道更难闻了，猎人也觉得非常尴尬。最后他觉得不能那个样子去见皇帝，于是他把肩膀上令人作呕的东西擦拭掉了。
Instantly, the Foo bird fell over dead, theemperor took a turn for the worse, and the hunterwas clapped in irons.And themoral of the story is: If the Foo shits,wear it!
就在那一刻福鸟便倒地身亡，皇帝的病情也更加恶化，而那名猎人则立刻被关进牢中。这个故事的寓意就是：“福鸟在你身上拉尿，你就扛着。”
英语小笑话9
Father: Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie: That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
英语小笑话10
a doctor came into the hospital ward and said to mr. johnson, "i have some good news and some bad news for you."
一位医生走进医院的.病房，告诉强森先生：“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。”
then mr. johnson said, "please, give me the good news first."
强森先生说：“请先告诉我好消息吧!”
so the doctor said, "the doctors here are going to name an incurable disease after you."
医生说：“本院的医师决定用你的名字，来为一种不治之症命名。”
英语小笑话11
A Monkey and a Flea
Mum: Baby, what’s the difference between a monkey and a flea? Baby: One is big and one is small.
Mum: Anything else?
Baby: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can’t have monkeys.经典英语口语小笑话精选
妈妈：猴子和跳蚤有什么不同呢？
儿子：它们俩一大一小。
妈妈：还有呢？
儿子：猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。
英语小笑话12
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.
The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer."
The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."
一男子去酒吧，点了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。当他环视酒吧时，发现一只猴子荡下来，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。
该男子问酒吧招待，这只猴子是谁的'。服务员回答说是钢琴手的。男子走到钢琴手面前问：“你知道你的猴子偷了我的啤酒吗?”
钢琴手回答说：“没有，但是如果你能哼唱，我会为你演奏的。”
英语小笑话13
律师、宝马和胳膊
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
一个律师打开他的宝马车门，突然一辆汽车驶过来把门撞飞了，警察赶到现场，律师正痛苦地抱怨毁坏了他心爱的宝马。
“警察同志，看看他们把我的车弄的!!!”律师哀怨地说。
“你们律师真是物质至上，我很不舒服!”警察反驳说，“你这么关心你可恶的.宝马，你可能没有注意到你的左胳膊也没了。”
律师终于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的劳力士手表在哪儿?”
狗住旅店
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”
旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。
睡前祷告词
Juliewas saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "MakeNaples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."
Hermother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naplesthe capital of Italy?"
AndJulie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"
朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“祷告上帝，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”
妈妈打断她说：“朱莉叶，你为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？”
朱莉叶回答说：“因为我在地理考卷上是这么写的。
英语小笑话14
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”
“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。
“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”
英语小笑话15
a kiss At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech." The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"
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