英语小笑话
英语小笑话1
Turning over
Nurse: oh my god! The patient who has been treated fell down at the gate of our hospital andbecame faint. The police officer is coming!
Doctor: Take it easy. Just turn him over and make that he was walking towards the hospital.
翻个个
护士：不好了，刚接受治疗的'病人在医院门口摔倒晕了过去。警察马上就到。 医生：别着急。把他翻个个，弄出他往医院走的样子。 大学英语小笑话带翻译篇4
Headache
"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."
"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a kiss to my wife and the paindisappeared. Why don't you try it?"
"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."
头疼
“我头疼的厉害，要去看看医生了。”
“胡说八道，昨天我也头疼，我冲回家吻了妻子一下，马上不疼了，要不你也试试?”
“好主意，给你妻子打个电话，说我马上就到。”
英语小笑话2
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly.
"Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
译文：
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。
“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的'。”
英语小笑话3
Walking to work one day, my husband was hit by a car. It was a minor accident and the driver apologized，adding; "You certainly are lucky. We're right next to a doctor's office."
"I don't know how lucky that is ,"my husband replied."I' m the doctor. "
英语小笑话4
She was so excited and anxious to tell him. She said, "I've bought two presents for your birthday, dear. I would tell you now because I can't wait until that day. One present is a mat to put in front of my dressing table. Another one is a bronze statuette(小雕像) for the drawing room mantelpiece." And then she added: "Now me?"
Her husband thought for a while and then replied: "I'd better get you a new razor and some ties, so that we may exchange presents with each other."
有个女人给她的丈夫买了生日礼物。
她很激动，并且急于要告诉她的丈夫。她说：“亲爱的，我买了两样东西给你做生日礼物。我现在就要告诉你，因为我等不得到那一天才说。一件礼物是一个地垫，可以放在我的梳妆台前。另一件是一个青铜的小雕像，可以放在客厅的.壁炉架上”她还说：“好啦，你准备给我买什么呢?”
她的丈夫想了一会就说：“我最好是给你买一个刮胡刀和几条领带。这样我们就可以互相交换礼物了。”
英语小笑话5
While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad's birthday.
旅途中，妈妈想起她忘记给爸爸买一件生日礼物。
"That's okay," he said, "The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey."
“没关系”，他说，“我最想要的东西是你的爱、忠贞和温顺”。
Mom pondered that idea and then replied "I'd rather buy you a gift."
妈妈沉思片刻后回答说，“我宁愿给你买一件礼物”。
英语小笑话6
A private didn't notice a young lieutenant and failed to salute him. The lieutenant said sternly, "You did not salute me. For this you must immediately salute one hundred times."
Just then the general came up. When he saw the poor private about to begin, he exclaimed, "What's all this?"
The lieutenant explained, "This ignoramus(无知的人) failed to salute me. I'm making his salute one hundred times as a punishment.”
"Quite right," replied the general smiling, "But do not forget, sir, that upon each occasion you are to salute return."
有个士兵没有注意到一个年轻的陆军中尉，没有向他敬礼。中尉很严厉地对那个士兵说：“你没有向我敬礼，因此你要马上敬100个礼。”
这时候将军过来了。他看到那个可怜的`士兵就要开始敬礼时，就大声问道：“这是怎么啦?”
中尉解释说：“这个蠢货没有向我敬礼，我就罚他马上向我敬一百个礼。”
将军笑着说：“完全正确。不过，老弟，别忘了他向你每敬一个礼，你都要回礼的啊!”
英语小笑话7
Back Up Two Miles
A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry, honked his horn .
"If you don't back up," said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, I won't like what I'm going to have to do." The surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up two miles, allowing the horse and buggy to go by. "What was it you wouldn't have liked to have done back there?" asked the farmer's son.
"Back up two miles," replied the farmer.
退后两英里
一位农夫和他的儿子乘坐轻便马车来到一段窄路，他们遇到一个开车的人向相反的方向去。两个方向的两英里以内都没有地方可以使他们相擦而过。驾车人甚是着急，按响了喇叭。 “如果你不后退，”农夫说着撸起了袖子，“我可不喜欢我将不得不做的事。”司机吃惊不小，挂上倒挡，向后退了两英里，让轻便马车先过去。
“刚才在那儿你说过的你不喜欢要做的`事是什么?”农夫的儿子问道。
“退后两英里，”农夫回答道。
英语小笑话8
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment,he said,"Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open,push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well,gosh," was the reply,"You're not coming empty-hangded,are you?
英语小笑话9
A woman who frequently visited a small antique shop rarely purchased anything，but always found fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the woman's grumpy complaints in stride，but one day she went too far. "Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?”demanded the woman.
一名妇女经常光顾一家小古董店，但几乎从不买什么东西，却总是对商品和价格吹毛求疵。对于那妇女的粗暴袍怨，经理和她的`销售员总是应付了事，但是有一天她做得太过分了。“为什么你们店里总是不能得到我想要的东西?”那名妇女指责说。
A smile on her face，the clerk calmly replied，“Perhaps it's because we’re too polite.”
职员脸上带着微笑，沉着地回答道:“也许是因为我们太有礼貌了。”
英语小笑话10
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一个商场租用了相互毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying，"Gigantic Sale!”and "Super Bargains!”
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书:“大减价!”“特便宜!”
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming，“Prices Slashed”and“Fantastic Discounts!”
左边的.商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称:“大砍价!”“狂打折!”
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated，“ENTRANCE".
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着:“入口处”。
英语小笑话11
Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar，I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for 10 or 15 cents each.
在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，我与一名准备买东西的`顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍《奥金·纳什集》颇感兴趣，但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其他的平装书每本才卖十戴十五美分。
I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet，and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle.Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant，he paid with a $10 bill.“Keep the change，”he said.
我指出这本书保存状况颇好，纳什是个有趣的诗人，这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。最终，我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋，掌出一张十美元的票子付账。“零钱不用找了。”他说。
英语小笑话12
a kiss At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech." The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"
英语小笑话13
The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student. "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.
"I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied.
"Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the impressed dean.
"No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it.
农校的招生办主任在面试一个上线的学生，“你为何要选择这个职业？”他问。 “我梦想以经营农场来赚一百万元，就像我父亲一样。”这个学生回答说。 “你父亲经营农场赚了一百万元？”主任惊诧地问道。
“没有，”这位申请人回答道，“他总是梦想着赚到这个数目。”
英语小笑话14
Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：告诉我汤姆，哪个月有28天呢？
汤姆：每个月都有啊！
英语小笑话15
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."
一男子去酒吧，点了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。当他环视酒吧时，发现一只猴子荡下来，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。该男子问酒吧招待，这只猴子是谁的.。服务员回答说是钢琴手的。男子走到钢琴手面前问：“你知道你的猴子偷了我的啤酒吗？”钢琴手回答说：“没有，但是如果你能哼唱，我会为你演奏的。”
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